Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
