3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
