So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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