That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize