i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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