in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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