btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
