she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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