Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
