The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
