I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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