So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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