Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
