At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
