I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize