ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
