She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize