it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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