Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
