i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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