Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
