I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
