You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
