I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize