i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
