I never want to see another naked old woman again.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
