Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
