3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
