You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
