Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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