I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
why do cheetos always look like penises
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just forgot I was standing up.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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