you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
