Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize