my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
