I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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