dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
