and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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