I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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