i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
