Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
