His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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