I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
