If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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