My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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