ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Couch. On fire.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
