Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You were trust falling into bushes
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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