I could have mohawked her pubes.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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