just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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