woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
