she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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