i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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