Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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