my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
