the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
