I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
