I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
