You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
