so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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