Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
