If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
