She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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