believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
