you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
