Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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