Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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