omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
