just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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