I wish I could punch you in the face.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
