My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
