i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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