I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize