I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
